Begin Being

Reflections

I spent half of June in Guangzhou and the other half in Singapore. This also meant that I’ve only got half a month to work before heading to Singapore where most of my time will be spent on gathering with friends and family. There were things I had to deprioritise due to the “lack of time”. Funnily, that also meant that I had “more time” to rethink about the things I deprioritise for the month of June.

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For deeper monthly reflections, I pick a scenario card at random and for this month:

What if … you could change one thing about your early years growing up? What would you change?

Somehow my memory of my childhood is hazy. If there’s one thing I would change, referencing my son’s childhood now, would be that I wish I was more fearless. I remember feeling fearful at many things, I resisted trying things for the first time and even if I did try, I would stop because of the next thing to fear.

This fear is paralyzing and can be about anything. I recall I was fearful of falling and getting injured physically. I was also afraid that people would have a negative impression of me or judge me based on my behaviour or appearance.

Perhaps it was due to a lack of confidence, or it was a need to be perfect. And reflecting about it now, again, reminded me of why sometimes I still behave the way I do now.